Friday, August 27, 2010

Hey there, stranger...

I've missed you. I've got so much to say, so much to put down in words but where do I start? I guess I should start apologizing for the lack in postings or the fact that I've abandoned you for months. Guess blogging took a backseat while a new stage of my life began.

I started blogging awhile ago, amidst friends telling me otherwise, not because I wanted the world to know the 'going ons' in my life but simply for my own viewing pleasure. It's perhaps an assurance that I have my life under control, everything is detailed accordingly, memories are remembered. I guess the lack of postings just shows how much I've let life take control of me.

The past few months have been quite eventful and for the first time in my 22 years of living, they passed by way too fast. Actually everyday seems that way right now. Time is the essence I'm always trying to prolong but sadly it never seems on my side.

College has far ended and it has been four months that I've been Karen Pasqual, Account Executive. Though, I'm grateful for the opportunity given but I must admit the job hasn't really sinked in just yet. It just seems surreal to wake up each day and have to get ready for another day of work. It's such a change from being a student and all the freedom that comes from being one. And boy do I miss that...

So what has the working world taught me? Well firstly, its really a doggie-dog world. People are generally only looking out for themselves and I don't blame them. Any smart person would do that. You meet all sorts of people. Some nice, helpful even. Some fake and inconsiderate. One thing's for sure, as a newbie, most get the idea that they can treat you however they like to because of their superiority or perhaps seniority in the industry. Its sad..but that's the truth.

During this past four months, I think I've never turned to God as much as I do now. My prayer is always the same."God, Help me...Help me get through today..or Help me see You in everyone I meet". He's a constant assurance that someone is always there for me, unconditionally. And that's what I need now...stability.

Being a Catholic or even a Christian in today's world is such a challenge. Especially when the industry requires you to do things that go against the religion. Sometimes I wonder why You put us here. Why submit us to these meaningless rules the world upholds? After all we're just passerbys on earth. We're all going to die someday... and yet we have to succumb to worldly things, whether we like it or not.

To friends, whom I haven't spoken to in what seems like ages. I'm so sorry. I've hardly forgotten any of you but rather I'm trying my best to keep you close if not closer. Most of all, I've missed you and I hope you know that too.

Sigh...Let's hope I get a hold on life and there will be more postings yet to come..*fingers crossed*

Karebear


Sunday, July 18, 2010

Just a silly piece of paper...

A day is alike a piece of paper. No, not those fancy ones with glittery sides or fancy detailing but rather a simple parchment from any blue-lined notebook.

As morning starts, the piece of paper is white and clean. You straighten out any bends at its sides and brush aside any debris on it. It's new, simple..non-complicated, full of hope.

As the day goes forward, you note down simple details all in while preserving the paper's almost perfect look. Each note is written neatly, numbered accordingly. Once done, you stand back and admire the effort put into detailing. You feel safe, secure..stable, like the world is yours for the taking.

The evening brings with it changes and suddenly the notes made seem irrelevant,plans and aspirations made seem unachievable. Little crosses and scribbles are made. A splash of red and blue ink spreads all over the once pure parchment.

You cancel out prior details made and add on new detail after detail. No longer does the paper look neat and tidy, white and new. Pen marks are clearly visible, messy handwriting and doodles start to appear.

The paper now looks bent and the white spaces are barely apparent to the now ink-filled paper. It holds no structure, no order. Now the crippled document holds no purpose but rather is filled with confusion and complication. It finds no need, nothing to look forward to..nothing to hope for...

As the day dies, so does the silly blue-lined parchment as it finds rest, crumpled and torn in the dustbin; never to be used again.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Hey you...

Listening to: Zee Avi - Someone you used to know

Hey you,

I thought I lost something of you today. I looked all over and still lost it remained. Though this is probably my fault, taking it for granted by leaving it around, assuming I'd never lose something as precious as that. Serves me right.

Today, it struck me that I'm losing a little part of you
everyday. I thought I lost your gift, I can't remember our talks, I forgot the things that drew us close instead I remember all the little hurts we left on each other. Pretty soon all I'll have left are these messages on my phone.

Gosh, I wonder why it had to be so difficult. Why we couldn't over look the past and move forward. Sure, you'll blame me. I think I'm past being sensitive about it. So, go ahead.

I still think about it but I'm gonna respect your wishes. If its what you think is best for you, then great. I'll live by it. But just so you know, I'm done with your games. So don't expect me to play along.

I'm done being angry. I just want you to know, it wasn't easy for me too...
From,
Someone you used to know...
*finally found it..sighs*

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Waking up...

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
Stephanie Meyers

My mind is ready to let you go, but my heart just wont let me.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Hardly dreaming...

I once dreamt I was running through a sea of people. Their faces were a blur, as was the fact that I seemed invisible to them. I pushed myself through the crowd and with each step I took my heart pounded hard against my chest.

Pressed for air, I was forced to stop in my tracks. My hands gripped tightly onto my knees. I gasped for air but it did nothing to calm my now aching heart. I felt pressure spread all through my small-built stature.

Bent and weak, I drew in deeper breathes but my throat felt sore and dry. And for a moment there, panic swept through. This is it. Something has got to give, was it going to be my aching heart or perhaps my troubled mind?

Then I thought to myself, this must be a dream. I have to be dreaming. All I need to do is wake myself up from this nightmare. At least that was what I tried to convince myself with. But this was no dream. Panic attacks don't count as dreams, not these ones especially.

I clasped my palm tightly to my chest and with the next breath, I closed my eyes and prayed the hurt away.

I guess now I fit the girl in your story?

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Untouchable

Listening to : Untouchable - Taylor Swift

Mum brought back a small bag of freebies full of CDs and guess what was in it.....Taylor Swift's Platinum album..OMG..I've been replaying the album over and over..and I only sleep at 3am so just imagine how many times I get to replay it a day!Lol. I don't care...I love her songs......

i especially adore, 'untouchable'. I got hooked on it a while back when I first heard it. Then it didn't seem to relate but now listening back to the full version of it...I feel like it some what relates to me...I love the song. This sketch is inspired by the song itself.

It actually reminds me of an anime sketch, probably a darker, brunette version of Hagu from Honey & Clover..hehe.

Used the basics for this; watercolour pencils, water and a tint bit of paint.




And this is what I call 'jamming'..hehe. Awesome stuff..Needs company tho..what you think?Lol. Anyways, I'm gonna leave you with Taylor and 'untouchable'..just maybe you'll love it as much as I do.:p


Thursday, April 22, 2010

A little of everything...

I haven't been blogging much lately. Think the complacency from staying at home has made me too darn lazy and frankly in no mood to blog. I guess life's daily routines leave no room for excitement. But I love this blog too much to leave it dormant for too long. So here's an update.

I guess the past weeks have been rather good to me aside from almost getting into an accident and my saree incident. Sometimes I wonder if these things only happen to me..gah! Think the past week has been an eye opener in some ways. The phrase 'only time will tell' seems almost believable now. It's funny how time brings out a person's true persona, or clears up a situation which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I guess that's why rushing into anything or making rash decisions isn't advisable. I'm glad I stood my ground and I had You to direct me.

And yes, I've put myself out there. I've applied! It's kinda intimidating now thinking about it. I guess I over think about the smallest matters; 'what they think?', 'if I'm any good?'. I just have to stop stressing myself out and pray that things will work out in the end. (coughs* future cg leader pls pray for me k! muaxx)

Just in case you're wondering, my mum isn't 88...yet..lol. My grandmother is though. Dad decided to surprise her by showing up in Penang. It's good to know that at least some part of my family is some what...normal...hehe.

'M' represents...hmmmm

Other than that, we girls had a hell of a time dressing up for 'Bollywood Night'. I don't think we get to dress up enough..lol. We should do it more often! *(grandma would be so proud of me, 'if only'..lol)

Think I look like I'm wrapped in a whole load of cloth..lol

All of us..:)

Me and mama Mandy

Me and the best dress male for the night..:)

Me and the gf. Your all mine, chayang..muaxx.

Here's a funny skit that will leave you in stitches. I can't get enough of it..hehe. Enjoy..muaxx.