Introducing...Midnight Revolution

I suppose everyone has a list of things they plan to do or achieve before they leave earth. Some of us have even had the list planned out since we were kids, even took the time to jot it down on paper and save it so as to check on it from time to time. For some of us, we're made mental notes, our personal list of aspirations and dreams, frequently changing as we progress with age. And for some of us, well we've thought about making that list...but perhaps never really sat down to think it through. I guess I fall into the second category - the semi-lazy category I suppose..hehe

You see I've always had the urge to push myself to do something I know I would never do. It used to be easier to trick myself into doing these things when I was a kid but now that I'm much older I try my best to stay on the safe side - do the norm & avoid taking risks. But I guess I've always had this need to prove that I could do it one day..just didn't know that one day would come so soon.

I guess this thing I'm talking about is performing..and not just playing the guitar, I think that wouldn't be much of a challenge but really performing with the whole band scenario, instruments and actually daring to face an audience with my amateur, timid voice. Lucky for me, the perfect opportunity arose and I still can't imagine why I said yes without much hesitation. I do think I freaked out a little everyday. Facing a crowd of 500 people including my parents, students and closest friends is nerve-recking. I guess I felt more sympathetic for them because they were forced to hear my voice whether they liked it or not...hehe.

My bandmates were great. Alan; who first pulled me in, really got his act together which to most of us can seem pretty surprising..knowing Alan. We had so many practices that we hardly had any jitters as our performance day got close. And Devon..well his voice pretty much says it all..He practically carried the band when it came to our vocals. I love his harmonizing..(i'm so jealous) I dare say this guy is going far with his talent.

For a whole week, we got really serious. We practiced till our hands were sore, voices were strained, we had the lyrics almost memorized..hehe but what we didn't have was a name. You could imagine all the silly, corny names we came up with..Alan keep insisting on 'sweet Bejibies'..which thank God was not a name we settled for. In the end, Devon saved us with 'Midnight Revolution', pretty cool name...though I don't know if there's a meaning to it. Perhaps it has something to do with RYM & practicing till midnight? lol. Well, it's definitely better than 'Sweet Bejibies'.:P

Performance day came and we didn't suck too bad...lol. My parents were pretty syched that I was actually stepping up and doing something I normally wouldn't. In their own, weird way..I'm grateful and touched by their support. I must say, I have really awesome friends..they calmed my fears and cheered us on. Not too mention their families too. I'm very touched.

I've attached the vids courtesy of Devon below. This is another thing I wouldn't usually do and trust me, i tried to talk myself out of this. But I think this is the best place to share my work, with people who care about me the most. Just note that, I cringed every time I heard my voice....it was shaky, pitchy and yes..I played way too fast..lol.


3.09, Did you notice the look Devon & Alan gave each other! I wonder what they were thinking.. *Slaps self for not smiling at all!*






Think it's about time I put myself out there. I hope that was a little entertaining. Thanks for listening. Muaxx. Forehead, CSD & chayang..next performance is ours!

Going the distance

Been awhile since I paid a visit to the cinema. In truth there haven't been any good shows worth watching after 'Inception' (*reminds self to get the DVD). So for the fun of it, I decided to give in and watch 'Going the distance' (after constant ranting from my sis).

The chick-flick come romance comedy proved to be not bad after all. It didn't hurt that Justin Long was acting in it and I do love geeky, smart, funny guys..How can you not love a guy clad in converse & checks...ahhh.
I should probably mention if you didn't already know, the movie revolves around a long distance relationship and all that fuss that comes with it. Seems like an all too familiar situation for me.

One thing's for sure, long distance relationships are never easy. You spend a lot on phone bills, traveling costs and not to mention have to adjust accordingly to the time difference. But most importantly, you spend most of the time apart missing one another instead of building on that relationship.

From time to time you get that rare opportunity to be together, spend those few days in each others company. That time together is both wonderful whereas on the other hand it leaves you anxious. Perhaps, it's just me but meeting someone you love after a long time apart leaves you wondering whether either one of you have changed from the last time you met. Whether things will just fall back to place like no one ever left the other. For a person who over thinks everything, I guess I thought about it a lot.

But more than missing your other half, or having to spend a good amount of money just to keep the relationship going..having to say goodbye over and over again is what hurts the most. Knowing that neither one of you can stay with the other indefinitely is frustrating. You meet this great person, spend a short time together then have to be prepared to let them go again and again.

In the end, is it worth it? Truthfully, I can't say. I guess it really depends on the individual and on the relationship itself. But perhaps what I can attest to is never to begin a relationship being separated from each other. That is no way to start a foundation.

Long distance relationships aside, the movie was really good. Kept me laughing and kept my friends teary-eyed (not to mention tightly snugged to their other halfs). Did I mention I was yet again 'tianged'...the gf left me to hang out with some guy..pfff. I dare say, I kept my eyes focused on the screen and the screen alone..if you know what I mean..hehe.

Hey there, stranger...

I've missed you. I've got so much to say, so much to put down in words but where do I start? I guess I should start apologizing for the lack in postings or the fact that I've abandoned you for months. Guess blogging took a backseat while a new stage of my life began.

I started blogging awhile ago, amidst friends telling me otherwise, not because I wanted the world to know the 'going ons' in my life but simply for my own viewing pleasure. It's perhaps an assurance that I have my life under control, everything is detailed accordingly, memories are remembered. I guess the lack of postings just shows how much I've let life take control of me.

The past few months have been quite eventful and for the first time in my 22 years of living, they passed by way too fast. Actually everyday seems that way right now. Time is the essence I'm always trying to prolong but sadly it never seems on my side.

College has far ended and it has been four months that I've been Karen Pasqual, Account Executive. Though, I'm grateful for the opportunity given but I must admit the job hasn't really sinked in just yet. It just seems surreal to wake up each day and have to get ready for another day of work. It's such a change from being a student and all the freedom that comes from being one. And boy do I miss that...

So what has the working world taught me? Well firstly, its really a doggie-dog world. People are generally only looking out for themselves and I don't blame them. Any smart person would do that. You meet all sorts of people. Some nice, helpful even. Some fake and inconsiderate. One thing's for sure, as a newbie, most get the idea that they can treat you however they like to because of their superiority or perhaps seniority in the industry. Its sad..but that's the truth.

During this past four months, I think I've never turned to God as much as I do now. My prayer is always the same."God, Help me...Help me get through today..or Help me see You in everyone I meet". He's a constant assurance that someone is always there for me, unconditionally. And that's what I need now...stability.

Being a Catholic or even a Christian in today's world is such a challenge. Especially when the industry requires you to do things that go against the religion. Sometimes I wonder why You put us here. Why submit us to these meaningless rules the world upholds? After all we're just passerbys on earth. We're all going to die someday... and yet we have to succumb to worldly things, whether we like it or not.

To friends, whom I haven't spoken to in what seems like ages. I'm so sorry. I've hardly forgotten any of you but rather I'm trying my best to keep you close if not closer. Most of all, I've missed you and I hope you know that too.

Sigh...Let's hope I get a hold on life and there will be more postings yet to come..*fingers crossed*

Karebear

Just a silly piece of paper...

A day is alike a piece of paper. No, not those fancy ones with glittery sides or fancy detailing but rather a simple parchment from any blue-lined notebook.

As morning starts, the piece of paper is white and clean. You straighten out any bends at its sides and brush aside any debris on it. It's new, simple..non-complicated, full of hope.

As the day goes forward, you note down simple details all in while preserving the paper's almost perfect look. Each note is written neatly, numbered accordingly. Once done, you stand back and admire the effort put into detailing. You feel safe, secure..stable, like the world is yours for the taking.

The evening brings with it changes and suddenly the notes made seem irrelevant,plans and aspirations made seem unachievable. Little crosses and scribbles are made. A splash of red and blue ink spreads all over the once pure parchment.

You cancel out prior details made and add on new detail after detail. No longer does the paper look neat and tidy, white and new. Pen marks are clearly visible, messy handwriting and doodles start to appear.

The paper now looks bent and the white spaces are barely apparent to the now ink-filled paper. It holds no structure, no order. Now the crippled document holds no purpose but rather is filled with confusion and complication. It finds no need, nothing to look forward to..nothing to hope for...

As the day dies, so does the silly blue-lined parchment as it finds rest, crumpled and torn in the dustbin; never to be used again.

Hey you...

Listening to: Zee Avi - Someone you used to know

Hey you,
I thought I lost something of you today. I looked all over and still lost it remained. Though this is probably my fault, taking it for granted by leaving it around, assuming I'd never lose something as precious as that. Serves me right.

Today, it struck me that I'm losing a little part of you everyday. I thought I lost your gift, I can't remember our talks, I forgot the things that drew us close instead I remember all the little hurts we left on each other. Pretty soon all I'll have left are these messages on my phone.

Gosh, I wonder why it had to be so difficult. Why we couldn't over look the past and move forward. Sure, you'll blame me. I think I'm past being sensitive about it. So, go ahead.

I still think about it but I'm gonna respect your wishes. If its what you think is best for you, then great. I'll live by it. But just so you know, I'm done with your games. So don't expect me to play along.

I'm done being angry. I just want you to know, it wasn't easy for me too...

From,
Someone you used to know...
*finally found it..sighs*

Waking up...

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.

Stephanie Meyers

My mind is ready to let you go, but my heart just wont let me.

Hardly dreaming...

I once dreamt I was running through a sea of people. Their faces were a blur, as was the fact that I seemed invisible to them. I pushed myself through the crowd and with each step I took my heart pounded hard against my chest.

Pressed for air, I was forced to stop in my tracks. My hands gripped tightly onto my knees. I gasped for air but it did nothing to calm my now aching heart. I felt pressure spread all through my small-built stature.

Bent and weak, I drew in deeper breathes but my throat felt sore and dry. And for a moment there, panic swept through. This is it. Something has got to give, was it going to be my aching heart or perhaps my troubled mind?

Then I thought to myself, this must be a dream. I have to be dreaming. All I need to do is wake myself up from this nightmare. At least that was what I tried to convince myself with. But this was no dream. Panic attacks don't count as dreams, not these ones especially.

I clasped my palm tightly to my chest and with the next breath, I closed my eyes and prayed the hurt away.

I guess now I fit the girl in your story?