Waking up...

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.

Stephanie Meyers

My mind is ready to let you go, but my heart just wont let me.

Hardly dreaming...

I once dreamt I was running through a sea of people. Their faces were a blur, as was the fact that I seemed invisible to them. I pushed myself through the crowd and with each step I took my heart pounded hard against my chest.

Pressed for air, I was forced to stop in my tracks. My hands gripped tightly onto my knees. I gasped for air but it did nothing to calm my now aching heart. I felt pressure spread all through my small-built stature.

Bent and weak, I drew in deeper breathes but my throat felt sore and dry. And for a moment there, panic swept through. This is it. Something has got to give, was it going to be my aching heart or perhaps my troubled mind?

Then I thought to myself, this must be a dream. I have to be dreaming. All I need to do is wake myself up from this nightmare. At least that was what I tried to convince myself with. But this was no dream. Panic attacks don't count as dreams, not these ones especially.

I clasped my palm tightly to my chest and with the next breath, I closed my eyes and prayed the hurt away.

I guess now I fit the girl in your story?

Untouchable

Listening to : Untouchable - Taylor Swift

Mum brought back a small bag of freebies full of CDs and guess what was in it.....Taylor Swift's Platinum album..OMG..I've been replaying the album over and over..and I only sleep at 3am so just imagine how many times I get to replay it a day!Lol. I don't care...I love her songs......

i especially adore, 'untouchable'. I got hooked on it a while back when I first heard it. Then it didn't seem to relate but now listening back to the full version of it...I feel like it some what relates to me...I love the song. This sketch is inspired by the song itself.

It actually reminds me of an anime sketch, probably a darker, brunette version of Hagu from Honey & Clover..hehe.

Used the basics for this; watercolour pencils, water and a tint bit of paint.




And this is what I call 'jamming'..hehe. Awesome stuff..Needs company tho..what you think?Lol. Anyways, I'm gonna leave you with Taylor and 'untouchable'..just maybe you'll love it as much as I do.:p

A little of everything...

I haven't been blogging much lately. Think the complacency from staying at home has made me too darn lazy and frankly in no mood to blog. I guess life's daily routines leave no room for excitement. But I love this blog too much to leave it dormant for too long. So here's an update.

I guess the past weeks have been rather good to me aside from almost getting into an accident and my saree incident. Sometimes I wonder if these things only happen to me..gah! Think the past week has been an eye opener in some ways. The phrase 'only time will tell' seems almost believable now. It's funny how time brings out a person's true persona, or clears up a situation which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I guess that's why rushing into anything or making rash decisions isn't advisable. I'm glad I stood my ground and I had You to direct me.

And yes, I've put myself out there. I've applied! It's kinda intimidating now thinking about it. I guess I over think about the smallest matters; 'what they think?', 'if I'm any good?'. I just have to stop stressing myself out and pray that things will work out in the end. (coughs* future cg leader pls pray for me k! muaxx)

Just in case you're wondering, my mum isn't 88...yet..lol. My grandmother is though. Dad decided to surprise her by showing up in Penang. It's good to know that at least some part of my family is some what...normal...hehe.

'M' represents...hmmmm

Other than that, we girls had a hell of a time dressing up for 'Bollywood Night'. I don't think we get to dress up enough..lol. We should do it more often! *(grandma would be so proud of me, 'if only'..lol)

Think I look like I'm wrapped in a whole load of cloth..lol

All of us..:)

Me and mama Mandy

Me and the best dress male for the night..:)

Me and the gf. Your all mine, chayang..muaxx.

Here's a funny skit that will leave you in stitches. I can't get enough of it..hehe. Enjoy..muaxx.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=387907983644&set=vb.610783644&type=2&theater

In a perfect world...

It has been a while since I posted any sketches. I think its either rants or sketches for me, can't have the muse for both at the same time. So since I'm all out of inspiration to write, I thought maybe I should give sketching a go?

Here's a cover of a beautiful sketch I found online. I'm kinda scared of painting it just yet, in case I end up ruining it.:s

Below are a few incomplete sketches/doodles. I never really had the intention to post these up really.

I realise how random this one is. Has just about everything..lol

Singapore photo update

Finally, as promised here are some of the pictures taken from Singapore.

All 5 of us at the hotel room..plus Sukh..lol.

Yes, I got a tattoo..Don't believe me???

Tadaa...hehe..(hair kacau :s)

We girls even had time for church...We made it just in time..hehe.

Clubbing at Clarke Quay. Vanessa had her eyes closed in almost all the pics..lol.

The crowd at the concert.

Hayley with her 'minor threat' t-shirt & leopard print pants...so cute.

The concert group shot.

I love how they look like band pics..now all we need are instruments..

Our hotel, Royal Plaza.

The room we stayed in, or rather the aftermath. Its funny how all 5 of us managed to rough it out. I guess now you get an idea (pic below).

*looks around suspiciously*...Jules don't find my blog..lol.

All in all we three had a great time. Definitely one of the best trips. I miss it already!!!

Sacrificing in vain...

I came home to find closed doors, a darkened house and glancing up at the clock I note that it's only 11.30pm. Though its no surprise to me as that's how my house always looks like after 11 or sometimes even after 10. Today though, it reminded me of something familiar, or rather someone...me. Closed, darkened...one could mistake me for a shadow any day. Sigh.

The Lenten season started a few weeks earlier and with all the buzz going around about sacrifices and penance-making. I thought why not sacrifice something really hard, something I've been struggling with, something that takes a lot of effort...And, I'm glad that I made that attempt. Its sure better than nothing.

Sad truth is, I'm failing...badly. If there is an F in Sacrificing then I would have got it too many times already. I guess you never realise how hard sacrificing is until you do it yourself. Sometimes I feel like I'm sacrificing just for the sake of it and that's not right. I'm suppose to make that effort, to push myself to be better...but sometimes all I want to do is give in. Its owh so easy to just give in...

Sometimes I wish God would give us direct answers to all our questions; gives us the words to speak, tell us what to do... But then I think to myself, would we necessarily want to follow everything God tells us? Most of the time we're stubborn, self-centered individuals who think we're always right. Well that's me, guilty as charged. I guess that's one of the reasons God gave us this huge freedom.

I get so envious of others sometimes. Why does it seem so easy for them while I have to struggle with this problem? It kills me sometimes to think about it or even the mere mention of it. I just don't know what to do anymore... Sometimes I just wanna give up...

Process. Fail. Break. Wake. Reset. Love. Life. Live.
I'm still trying to...