Never easy being the enemy...

I'm so tired. So exhausted that my eyes look teary and swollen like I've been crying the whole day. I should probably think of bed and trust me thats' what my body is telling me. But my mind just won't have it. I may be physically drained but emotionally I'm on a mission. " I will not sleep until I have this out of my chest".

I wonder why people do the things they do. Maybe I should re-word that. Why do people who supposedly care for you, love you or take you as their friend, do the things they do.

It's something I can never understand. How someone can belittle another person or say or do things just to spite the other. All the while, supposedly 'being friends'. Theres' a saying that a person belittles another just so they can feel whole. Well maybe that could be it, but wheres' your conscience in that, if you know it's a friend you're hurting? Or perhaps you weren't a friend to begin with?

It's this little dilemmas that make me hate growing up. I still don't understand how enemies can emerge like mushrooms after a rain shower especially when all you ever did was care for the other. What makes you an enemy then? because things didn't go their way, because they expected more? I'm still trying to figure that out.

I've never been outspoken or extraordinary. In most groups, I would gladly just fade into the background. I don't expect to be treated special or even be the main attention of the group. All I ever want is to enjoy the company of the people around me. Try to be as best of a friend as I can be. Some probably think I sound like a fake. Boo hoo...it's my freakin blog!!!!

God, how do I be the grown up in this situation when all I want is to have none of this. How do I put up with this any longer? All I want to do is leave this part of my life, walk away and act as if it never existed. But how can I? Doing so would only hurt friends of whom have been nothing but good to me.

So what do I do instead? I give you a smile, say its nice to see you. And even after you hurt me, i say take care, see you soon. All the while, I'm hoping I save no grudges against you or that I don't sound unsincere in my words. I act the fool, as if I am so stupid, or slow to catch or know what you're doing to me. God only knows how much longer I can take your crap!