Can you make it all better?

Gonna need a whole lot to calm her down today.

Missing you more than ever.

Wish you were here.

wish you were here

Give me strength...

Listening to: Blackbird - Cameron Mitchell (cover)

Messed things up. Crap. I'm glad you're acting as if nothing happened when really I'm trying to avoid you. Sighs, I'm sorry. Guess I've always been good at running away.

What are we doing? Boy, what is this? I want to give up this time, call it quits. For something that seems so simple to others, seems the hardest for me. This time I think these walls are just unbreakable. I'm sorry, hopefully I'll have the courage to tell you soon.

Perhaps this is who I am. Perhaps this part of myself is unchangeable. Everyone has a plan in life, I guess this one just isn't for me. I'm not going to blame You for it instead I hope You give me the strength to live out this life and in time learn to love again.

I'm sorry, please give me time...

Avoiding the very thought of you...

Please don't make me miss you yet again. I really don't need this, not today.

Sigh, i miss you.

Just maybe...

Thank you for taking this dormant heart on an adventure. She's slowly beginning to believe that she might actually matter.

Thank you.

Missing you terribly...

Read your letter today.

Told myself not to get emotional but I guess it's inevitable. Damn it. I'm so utterly worried. I wish I could be superman (or supergirl) for a day and rescue you if ever you needed an escape.

It's heartening to know that amidst everything you're going through, you still take the time to ask about the very things that I struggle with currently. I guess with you, I never had to utter a word, you know me so well. I miss you so much right now.

I guess distance really does things to people. It made me realise just how much I depend on you and need you. Also how you were always there for me. It made me question if I ever was that for you. Looking back, I doubt I gave enough and I'm so sorry for this.

I keep a picture close to serve as a reminder that we're all very much together regardless the distance, the troubles and uncertain future ahead of us. And it believe it or not, it helps me get through the day a little bit more.

I love you sayang & missing you terribly...

karebear

Giving up...

It's funny how I've never been good enough..even after all these years. I hate myself for trying so hard. Now, I just give up.

p.s. a picture isn't gonna make you any more proud of me. So let's just quit being fake.

Broken...

It's funny how I thought about you just moments ago amidst the hectic schedules, the numerous expectations..with the plectrum in hand. Other than your friendship, I guess I've never told you how grateful I am for this small but significant gift. In many ways, I am completely dependable upon this tiny object though how silly it may sound. I think about the numerous occasions where I've almost lost it, left it behind, lent it and after all this years I still have it very much intact. I think most importantly, it's the remnants of what became of us and how much you used to care - that you believed in my talent way before I even did.

This post, by far seems out of place with my lack of writing and the abandoned state of my blog but really even if I explained the recent events of my life...would you believe me? Sometimes I look back and think, "Is this really happening?". Life just seems so surreal and very much out of my controlling power. I wonder what you would think of me now if you only knew...and I try imagine how you've been all this while and the person you've grown into. But most importantly, I hope your content with life and that it has treated you well.

I hold the plectrum in hand now, as I type these words. I shudder at the thought that I'll never use it again and I'll never have you in mind or feel the same ounce of confidence that little object some how transferred unto me. That's pretty much me being all desperate and very much exaggerating...but yeah, I guess that's how I feel. Perhaps it's a sign that I really have to put this behind for the sake of the both of us.

I think back and even to this day, I think you never truly understood the person that I am. I try to hide my disappointment but I guess I can't blame you for thinking of me so. I wasn't that girl then, and I'm not that girl now...that much hasn't change. I wish you knew that. I had my reasons for my actions and no, I didn't do it because of anyone else.

If I could have one thing back, I yearn for our friendship. More than anything, more that the relationship, more that the distance, that simple F word that you hate, meant the most to me. It's a shame that after all these years, it's the one thing we've withheld from each other. I think we only have ourselves to blame.

Sure you may think regret has got the best of me, or perhaps I'm getting what I deserve but I had reasons for my actions, that much I don't regret. I guess what I really wanted to say is that I miss you..and albeit my silence and non-existence, I've always cared. And though it may be hard for you to accept this, but the one thing I truly fell in love with is our friendship; the late night chats, the silly messages, the lame jokes, the annoying teasing...and just how much we relied on these simplistic gifts to get us through the mess called life.

I'm sorry for the late posting...I wonder if you noticed